VTIPY A FLIPY

[Aniy]

ja myslím že #99CBCB

[Smokie]

ja radsej #00DEAD

[t0Mi]

ja radsej #00DEAD

Ja radej #F85C75

[nighthunter]

http://www.rofl.to/dont-judge-too-fast

[mishelka]

dajak je tu mrtvo.... (to nebol vtip)

[Smokie]

uz som tu, uz som tu, no kde je ta party?

[ApokalypS]

vsetko najlepsie, Smokie..

[t0Mi]

Príde programátor domov a hovorí manželke:
- Hladný som ako 256 čertov.

[Smokie]

vsetko najlepsie, Smokie..

to bola reakcia na mishelku snad to nevyzeralo tak, ze cakam pre seba party... a dakujem, este raz

[t0Mi]

Rasisticke, nestotoznujem sa s tym:

Cigani jedou na zájezd do Polska.
V Polsku se jim pokazí autobus a řidič celý nešťastný jde do
nejbližší dědiny pro pomoc.
Vleze do nejbližží chalupy a říká :
" Mam bardzo wielki problem, jade do Oświencimja s cygunami i autobus
sie mi popsul. Može mi pan pomóc?"
Chlap chvíli přemýšlí, pokrčí rameny a říká :
"Moge, ale mum iba maly piecek."

Leží muž a žena v posteli a milují se. Muž je nahoře a žena mu
jezdí šíleně ve vlasech. "Co děláš?" ptá se muž. "Hledám rohy,
miluješ jak ďábel!" Pak se poloha obrátí, nahoře je žena. Muž jí
šíleně jezdí ve vlasech. "Hledáš rohy? Miluju jako ďábel?"
"Ne, ale si těžká jako kráva!"

[Aniy]

IBM a kríza

DUE TO BUDGET CUTS, THIS IS YOUR NEW OFFICE POLICY - EFFECTIVE MARCH 1, 2009

DRESS CODE:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to
your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a
Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially
and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your
money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and
therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need
to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof
of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able
to come to work.

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

BATHROOM BREAKS:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your
second offence, your picture will be posted on the
company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'
category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

LUNCH BREAKS:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need
to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a
balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's
all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here
to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,
all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
and input should be directed elsewhere.

[t0Mi]

BATHROOM BREAKS:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your
second offence, your picture will be posted on the
company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'
category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Ked si to predstavim Ako to niekto naschval spusti

[Havran]

<Skail[IRON]> I get a girlfriend-free evening, tonight.
<Skail[IRON]> All evening.
<Skail[IRON]>
<Skail[IRON]> I'm thinking I'm going to sit on the couch in my underwear, drink beer, and watch porn.
<Driedsponge> You don't do that WITH your girlfriend?
<Skail[IRON]> No, she makes me drink wine.

[t0Mi]

Zo stranky PIRATEBAY.ORG

Today was the last day of the (first?) trial against The Pirate Bay.

First let us pose a huge thnx to internets for all the tremendous support and help we have seen. We would like to thank you for the millions(sic!) of tweets, emails, songs, smiles, blog posts, judicial advices, videos, comments, torrents, articles, translations, services, ideas and love that has been produced around the spectrial.

This thank you goes out not only to all internets, but also to the cops, court house clerks, coffeeshop waiters, bank officials, average joes, kids, friends, adversaries etc. that has helped us along the way.

We would like to put out a special thank you to our busdrivers, putting up with our blatantly chaotic organisation.

Back to the trial. Yesterday the prosecution plead for banning the essence of the internets, the links. Today the defence responded claiming that services of this kind never can be illegal.

The sentence will not be presented until the 17th of April. While waiting for this big day, we in the Spectrial team already has started to plan what we're going to perform to celebrate the victory of the internets.

We have already written history, actually more than once. Now we are creating the future.

[t0Mi]

Jeden den bola moja mama vonku a na starosti ma mal otec.  Bolo mi
priblizne 2 a pol roka. Niekto mi daroval malu supravu na caj a bola
to moja oblubena hracka  Otec sedel v obyvacke a pozeral vecerne
spravy ked som mu priniesla malu salocku "caju" v ktorej bola iba
voda. Po niekolkych salockach caju a pochvalach ako vynikajuci a
chutny caj je, sa moja mama vratila domov.

Otec ju nechal v obyvacke aby sa pozerala ako mu prinesiem salku
caju, pretoze to bola predsa tak roztomila scena. Mama cakala a po
chvilke som prisla k otcovi so salkou caju a mama sa pozerala ako ju otec pije.

Potom povedala, (ako iba mama dokaze..
Napadlo ta niekedy, ze jedine miesto, kde mala moze zobrat vodu, je zachod?

[nighthunter]

mi vcera povdali studenti "pan profesor"

[puq]

degeneracia zo strednych skol, respektive gymnazii

[nighthunter]

u druhakov ?

[puq]

noa jak este aj teraz v tretom sa s tym stretnem sem tam

[nighthunter]

toto som videl v jedalni na nasej fakulte

[ApokalypS]

a co je na tom vtipne?

[puq]

ani ja nechapem hunter by sa mal ist liecit

[Ing.Veduci]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gXcug7RqPgs#

[Smokie]

We done it, you don't have to...uz len kvoli tomu, ze zapalovat ohen v blizkosti plynovej bomby nie je dvakrat idealny napad

[JCube]

a este k tomu s metanom